After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Barsexuality is the new black.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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