dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
then he tried to convert me to islam
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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