broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
