Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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