I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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