Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
