glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
