the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
