Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
