i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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