you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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