I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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