Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
