And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
