dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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