The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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