i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
