Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
