If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
