Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
