so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
