I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
