i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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