Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just cut my nipple shaving
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
