Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
