You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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