I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
