No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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