The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
