i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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