how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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