I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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