If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
