Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
