you have to choose: penises or morals?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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