you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
vagina is talking i cant
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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