Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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