Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
