i wish there were pregnant emoticons
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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