Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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