Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
