i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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