Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
