she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
