Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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