So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
