We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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