My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
