I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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