is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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